It's not the color of the crockpot...it's what's inside!

I went to high school in Montgomery Alabama. Heart of the bus boycott and civil rights movement. Coming from San Francisco that was quite a transition for me. When I moved back home, friends asked me "Is there racism there?" I responded, "Yes, but there's racism here. Only here they say 'some of my best friends are black.’ but wouldn't want you to date their daughter. There, they don't like you and you know they don’t like you.”

With all the racial tension going on in this country right now, it's amazing that even in the surrogacy process, race comes into play. Before SSA, I was working with another agency. I admit. I came out and asked them, "How many black couples do this? Do white parents choose black surrogates to carry for them?" I know that difference in skin color is no different than in hair or eye color. But I lived in an environment where a customer placed money on the counter and slid it to me to keep from touching my hand. I was unsure of how some would view a little black girl carrying their most prized possession. I assumed it would take a while to be matched.

Things didn’t work out with that agency. Thankfully so, because Melissa is the best Intended mother I could ever ask for. She’s smart, witty, assertive, and thoughtful. On transfer day, she recalled a conversation with one of her friends where she mentioned me by my birth name, LaKisha.

Let me start by saying I LOVE my name. Absolutely LOVE it. First, middle and Maiden. And my married name gives me the coolest initials: LL (Cool K, lol) But there are certain connotations associated with it. I’m the nickname for an illegal drug…I’m the confrontational, neck rolling, angry black girl in the office who doesn’t ever want to work. I’m the girl that will perform any sex act, any time, anywhere. Or I’m the Welfare stricken ghetto girl with a bunch of kids with a variety of baby daddies.

Let’s take a look at the songs that glorify “Kisha” :

Cashin’ Out – Cash Out

Lyric: Riding around with that Nina….Ridin’ with a hoe named Kiesha smoking on Kiesha.

Da Butt – EU

Lyric: Doin’ the butt. Sexy. Sexy…Kisha got a big ol’ butt…OH YEAH!

(to which my kids responded, ‘Mommy!! You’re famous! And you DO have a big ol’ butt!!)

Freak-a-leak – Petey Pablo

Lyrics: Would you do it from the front? Would you do it from the back? (How you like it daddy?) Baby bring it down like that! FREAK A LEEK!

Shameka

Keisha

Tara….

During a conversation about the search for employment, my mother apologized for not giving me a “resume friendly” name. I’m certain many employers have looked at the title and my application went straight to the trash.

{Man changes his name from Jose to Joe to get a job}

In my career, I didn’t want potential supporters to make certain judgments or put up a wall before they even got to know me. So, I searched for a name that suited me yet didn’t conjure up those mental images I spoke of earlier ... rebranding, so to speak. The name MILLI is an acronym inspired by my children. The M. for my maiden name: Moody.

When Melissa said her friend stopped her mid sentence, my first thought was: oh no. Here we go…

“Wait. Your surrogate is black?”, the friend inquires.

“Yes. So what? I don’t care. Do I want these damn babies or not? It’s not the color of the crockpot. It’s what’s inside.”

Told you she’s awesome.

“I wish some of your color would rub off on them so they won’t be so pasty and burn all the time like I do!”

To keep from having to constantly explain or defend herself, I suggested she refer to my stage name when talking about me from now on.

What’s in a name? A lot apparently.

#mikebrown #racism #icantbreathe #infertility #mommylife #parenting #surrogacy #surromom