Birthday Behavior and the Cure for Depression

MILLI M.
Sep 16, 2016
3 min read

Regardless of your religious views, you have to applaud the hard work and dedication of a Jehovah's witness. Waking up early on the weekends to go door to door spreading their message. My father would often invite them in for a spirited debate that would leave them speechless. But aside from some of the questionable principals, I always said I could never be part of any organization that doesn't allow me to celebrate ME!!!!

I was born September 10th, a little after Noon according to my mother. The nurse instructed her to stop pushing, then left the room to find a doctor. By the time the nurse came back, I was on the bed and my mother was relieved of her pain. Maybe that's where my rebellious spirit comes from. And anyone who knows me will tell you, I celebrate the entire month! This birthday is special for many reasons. 2016 came in with a vengeance and hasn't seemed to let up. It's been a trying year, but these trials have only made me stronger. I have enjoyed being me more this year than any other time in my life. I know exactly what I want my career, love, and relationships to look like. I am more comfortable with who I am and no longer have time to be phony or live my life according to others' expectations.

I AM ME! IN ALL MY IMPERFECT GLORY!

This realization came as the result of self diagnosis and unorthodox treatment. Earlier this year, I found myself in a funk. I wasn't doing anything with my life. I didn't have a job. I wasn't booking in entertainment. My appetite disappeared. I was up all night and sleeping until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Not because I was exhausted from anything in particular. Simply because I didn't want to face the day. In some respects, I didn't want to live the day. It wasn't worth it. I distinctly remember pulling the covers over my head thinking, "Why get up? Today will be just like the rest." I felt worthless. Hopeless.

I wasn't suicidal, but I certainly exhibited signs of depression.

I would veg out on TV and social media, neglecting not only tasks that I enjoyed but those required of me - paying bills, cleaning, getting the kids off to school. My children would come to me at 930 on a weeknight and ask, "Sooooo.....are we gonna eat dinner tonight? or Nah?" I thank God for Pubs who stepped in and made sure the house continued to run smoothly despite my lack of motivation.

In an attempt to pinpoint the source of my sadness, I contacted my OB/GYN thinking it may be postpartum related. Keep in mind my hormones have been manipulated for the past 2 years by fertility treatments, pregnancy, or birth control pills. I can't even affirm whether these feelings are truly mine. Dr. K swiftly informed me that postpartum depression was related to the overwhelming feeling associated with taking care of a newborn magnified by lack of sleep or caring for other young kids. In this case, I didn't bring babies home so...that's not it.

My problem was more social. She wrote a prescription for an antidepressant to help jump start my day and handle my responsibilities. Looking at the expression on my face, Dr. K swiveled around in her chair and immediately began scribbling some natural alternatives because "I know you like that kinda thing." She's right. I don't do meds. Not epidural for childbirth. Not even an Advil for a headache if I don't have to.

My plan was to fill the prescription and look at the bottle of pills for about a week. Take my time and see how I felt about it. I never got around to it. As the week progressed, opportunities presented themselves for me to address things that had been bothering me for some time. I admit I'm one who avoids confrontation at all costs and bottles feelings up when I'm offended. After the first conversation, I felt better. Then another friend called and I explained how I didn't appreciate certain aspects of our relationship. Then I felt even better. Lastly, my husband and I had several in depth conversations of things I had kept to myself for years. And it was like a weight was lifted! I didn't need an antidepressant...I NEED TO TELL PEOPLE HOW I FEEL!

Ever since then, I have tried to operate with authenticity and self love. I understand the power of acknowledging my voice. People always try to protect and shelter themselves from pain and disappointment. I'm almost glad I went through those rough times because now I'm ready to continue on this journey with even more confidence than before.

Guess what I did to celebrate! Click below to read all about it....