If you ask me that ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna scream!!

Pregnancy always bring attention. The excitement of a new arrival. The anticipation that comes with a growing belly. I admit. That’s part of the reason I love it! Upon returning from a BBQ this weekend, I realized all of my conversations were focused on the pregnancy. I am such a complex person with opinions and experiences relating to a myriad of subjects; however all anyone wanted to talk about was how this “surrogacy thing” works. They were very encouraging and genuinely curious, but I notice the same questions keep popping up over and over again as it relates to my journey. No matter where I go. So, I decided to give you all some insight into my thoughts and emotions with my own little FAQ video. Maybe I’ll carry a few copies of the transcript around with me for the next time someone starts asking questions…

Why did you decide to become a surrogate?

The short answer is: I like being pregnant. My labor and deliveries are easy. And I wanted to make a difference in the world. So if it’s something that I enjoy, is easy for me, and can bring someone joy, it’s my obligation to do it.

The longer explanation goes back to a joke between me and my college friend. Read the full story here.

How did you get started with something like this?

I literally just did a google search for surrogacy agencies. I was with another agency and it didn’t work out. After more research, I connected with Surrogacy Specialists of America out of Houston. They have been incredibly supportive from day one. The application process is extensive – prescreen, application with essay, skype interview, 500 question psych evaluation, medical document review including current pap and HIV test, then the match process begins. Once matched, both parties sign the contract when all matters have been agreed on (pay, when to terminate, lost wages, etc.) Luckily for me all that was very quick. I’m a little over a year into this… it was 7 months before we even transferred the embryos.

Did you know the mother beforehand? Is she a friend of yours?

No, we met through the agency. My intended mother is a young businesswoman named Melissa**. Everything fell right into place for us. She was actually with another agency as well. When it didn’t work out. She turned in her application to SSA asking for a surrogate in the Atlanta area. They unfortunately didn’t have any and said they would notify her when they did. A week later my application came in… Call it what you want coincidence, fate, destiny, God. Our lives are somewhat opposite in that she spent the last 15 years building a business and I’ve spent the last 15 years having babies. Now she wants a family and I want a career.

I couldn’t have asked for a better match. As soon as we met we hit it off. She’s funny, assertive, smart, and successful. It’s like we’ve known for years. I feel at this point our relationship has gone beyond just surrogate and intended mother…we’re genuinely friends.

Why can’t Melissa carry her own baby?

Unfortunately, Melissa has a blood clotting disorder that put a fetus at risk. She could try but there’s always a chance she’ll throw a clot. If that happens, the clot will go straight to the placenta and she’ll lose the babies. That’s why she sought out a surrogate. As our reproductive specialist said, they are in good hands with MILLI.

Let’s not forget, there are many different issues that affect fertility. For more information, log onto https://www.asrm.org/ for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

How did your husband/family feel about it?

Let me start by saying I have the most supportive family ever!! I could say “Hey, I’m going to jump off a bridge” They’d respond, “Wow! Go for it! Make sure your bungee is strapped on tightly!” My husband’s main objection was to me being artificially inseminated. Once he found out the eggs were already fertilized. He breathed a sigh of relief. (Machismo. Smh)

My immediate family understands the swiftness in which I deliver babies and totally saw me as a good candidate. Their main concern is my physical and mental health throughout the process. So, they check in regularly which I love.

Other responses to this announcement have varied from promises of extra jewels in my crown in heaven to people who don’t know what to think. Click here to read “Opinions are like...Well, you know the rest”

How did you explain this to your kids?

My kids were 11, 8, 6 and 5 when this process began. I’m always upfront, honest, yet age appropriate with them, including where babies come from. I never underestimate how intelligent they are. My girls are the 2 oldest. So, I could be creative in how I explained this to them. Ms. Martha is a lady from South Georgia who has helped me raise my kids. Think Big Mama of the family. I took each of my girls out for ice cream individually and told them this story.

“Imagine Ms. Martha is baking a cake. She has all the ingredients – flour, sugar, eggs, butter, baking powder, everything you need for a cake. She mixes it all together, then realizes her oven is broken. She comes to our house and says ‘MILLI my oven is broken. Can you bake this cake for me?’ We put the cake in the oven. We watch it rise. We enjoy the sweet smell. We get excited waiting for it to finish. But It’s not our cake, is it? When it’s done we’re going to give it back to Ms. Martha to enjoy, right? That’s kinda like what I’m doing for a young lady. She is unable to carry a baby so I’m going to do it for her. When they baby is born, we are going to give it back to her so she can be the mommy.”

They seemed to understand but had many questions along the way. I did my best to answer. We are all learning together. Now my boys are a little clueless. I explained that I have babies in my belly but they belong to their mommy Ms. Melissa. A concept I continue to reiterate when the kids ask about bringing the babies home. My youngest son rubbed my belly and proclaimed, “Don't worry babies!! We’ll take care of you!” Um…correction. Ms. Melissa is going to take care of them.

*The mother is white, but you are black. Will the babies be black or mixed?

This question always makes me laugh. I am not biologically related to the twins. We used Melissa’s eggs and donor sperm which were fertilized in the lab and frozen until transferred into my uterus. She decided to transfer 2 to ensure success. Both parents are white. These are in no way my children and will not be black or mixed. But since they are a part of me for 9 months, I joke if they’re 2 little white boys who like 90s booty music and know how to wobble at birth, you know why. ;-)

*How is this pregnancy different?

First of all, how they were conceived obviously. I was on a bunch of hormones to prepare my body for transfer. My emotions and appetite were all over the place. (that part’s not much different than usual).

I’ve never had twins. That’s new! As a result, I’m bigger with this pregnancy than the others. I’m 7 ½ months with a 9 month belly. The look on people’s face when I tell them I have a month left is hysterical. With all my pregnancies, I remained active and worked up until the day of delivery. Not this time. I wake up, walk to the kitchen and my feet swell! The swelling has gotten so bad I can barely walk therefore been prescribed compression stockings.

I had severe nausea with my youngest daughter and only light sickness in the first trimester with the others. I have experience 2nd trimester morning sickness with these boys. I bragged for so long about not being queasy they decided to show me! Once past the 12 week mark, I thought I was out of the woods. Morning sickness quickly turned into night sickness. I didn’t know when to eat and everything made my stomach turn. Those were supposed to be the glory days!

Right now, I’m dealing with carpal tunnel which causes my hands to swell, tingle, and numb throughout the night making my insomnia even worse.

Despite the usual discomforts, all the fun parts of being pregnant are still there. Sometimes I even shake my belly just to feel the little guys move!

*How are you going to feel when you have to give up the baby?

I get this one a lot!! My answer is always the same way. Like I said earlier, these are not my children. I’m not giving them up. I’m giving them to their mother. Secondly, my family is complete. If I wanted more children I wouldn’t do this. It wouldn’t be fair to the intended parents because I would develop a different type of bond with the babies. This way, I’m able to celebrate with the parents and be joyful for them during every step of the process. I went into this mentally prepared. Knowing my role and my purpose was not to keep these babies, but to be a vessel. Knowing that upfront makes it easier, not easy, but easier.

How am I going to feel on that day? I don’t know. I’ve never done this before so I can’t say. I’ll imagine there will be some sadness when I go home without an itty bitty to care for. I will need something to occupy my time. I’m pretty sure my 4 little ones hollering “MA!!” every 5 minutes will help keep my mind off of things. Melissa and I are committed to keeping in touch and maintaining our relationship because she wants to make sure my children are ok emotionally, I adore her for. It’s safe to say we are part of the family now.

*Would you do it again?

Melissa has a girl embryo she would like me to carry not long after the twins are born. But that’s a hard question to answer only because it solely depends on how this delivery goes. Thankfully Baby A (the closest one to the canal) is head down and we are able to do a vaginal delivery!! Assuming all goes as smoothly as it has with my past deliveries, I’d be happy to carry the baby girl.

On the other hand if, for some reason, a cesarean is required…that will be a tougher decision. I’ve never even had an epidural. So the thought of a c-section scares the crap out of me! My OB says I’m a perfect candidate for VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Not to mention, I’d hate for Melissa to painstakingly search for another surrogate (she’ll never find another like me anyway, lol). Taking the risk of being operated on twice is something I’d really have to consider. We are almost positive that won’t be the case.

Thank you for reading some of my most frequently asked questions along with their responses. If there’s anything I missed or you’ve got a question of your own, feel free to hit me up on any of my social media pages.

FB.com/inthemoodentertainment

Twitter: @inthemoodent

IG: @surroundedinATL

**name changed to protect the biological mother’s privacy

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