You want me to do WHAT?!? WHEN?
- MILLI M.
- Aug 26, 2015
- 3 min read
It’s been about 4 weeks since I had the twins. My body is recovering nicely. Not as swiftly as I would like but pretty well nonetheless. Everyone is telling me not to be so hard on myself.
One afternoon, my phone rings. It’s the agency. My assumption is they are calling to check on me…see how I’m doing. Yes, that was part of it. Midway through the conversation the counselor exclaims, “So, Melissa talked to the owner and as long as you are cleared by your OB, you are all set for another journey!”
WHAT?!?
Ok, I expected this from Melissa. She’s in her forties and under the impression that she’s old. She wants to get this all done quickly. Hell, she was talking about getting me pregnant again before I could even get out of the delivery room. Dr. K literally had to tell her “Leave my patient alone. She’s been through a lot.”
But the agency?!? I found it extremely unprofessional of them to not even wait until my 6 week checkup to mention the sibling journey.
First of all, according to their own company rules, I’m ineligible to carry again because I’ve exceeded the pregnancy limit (the next one will be #8). When I joined, they emphasized I could only do this once. I thought Melissa and I would bypass the agency and sign the contracts independently using our own lawyers. Cut the middle man and save her some money. I would never suggest doing that the first go round but since we’ve developed a strong relationship, I thought we’d be ok.
Secondly, this pregnancy was much more physically taxing than my others. Weight gain. Incredible swelling. Shortness of breath. No sleep for 6 months. (read about Operation Sexy Back)
Lastly, I’m worried about Melissa. My boys are 15 months apart. Which means my oldest son was 6 months old when I got pregnant. I told Melissa, “you ain’t ‘bout this life.” The wrestling. The fighting. The running. The screaming. Boys are rambunctious and mischievous. Then add a little girl to the mix. I couldn’t imagine having 3 kids all under 2 years old. She’s only got 2 arms. What is she going to do with all 3 of them wailing for attention…it would be like raising triplets. My theory is to wait until the boys turn 15 months for the next transfer. That way they’d be 2 (walking, talking, and more independent) when the new baby arrives.
So, when the reproductive specialist says we can get started 6 months after the twins are born, that’s all I can think of. #1: Will my body be able to handle another pregnancy so soon? #2: will Melissa be able to handle so many young kids at once? Of course, his job is to get me pregnant. Period. He’s not concerned with my anemia, broken down knees, or sleepless nights. After delivering a breech baby, there’s no way any doctor will clear me in 6 months. The counselor reassured me that the 6 month mark would only be to start the paperwork. Then meds, then transfer. She even convinced me not to get the IUD but opt for the pill instead. That way there’s no wait time for my cycle and we can start my shots right away.
They are on me like white on rice because “You are such a good surrogate.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Melissa wasn’t able to make the 6 week visit. That gave me and Dr. K a chance to talk candidly. I was able to thank her again for giving me the birthing experience I wanted (no c-section). I knew I could do it. I just needed someone who would let me try. We also talked about surrogacy #2. My concern is saying yes out of pressure or no out of fear. It's just too soon to make a decision. She was super supportive as usual. Gave me all the pros and cons from a medical and personal perspective.
“The agency is asking for the rock bottom earliest I can be pregnant again.”
‘Honey, for your optimal health, we would like for you to wait. But I will compromise with parents on a timeline, especially knowing your successful history. But I won’t even consider a transfer until August. No earlier than August and you tell them I said it!”
Working backward, that would put us at June for fertility meds and March to sign the contracts.
I don’t have my body back and I’m still a bit traumatized by the whole ordeal. So, right now, the thought of being pregnant scares the crap out of me. Guess I have until August to figure it out.
What do you think? Should I do the sibling journey so soon? Leave your comment below and let me know.
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